Learning to Let it Go

Its true. I'm not a good forgiver. I'm not a good forgetter...well about things that I'm not a good forgiver about. Other things I seem to forget all the time. I'm learning to let it go. This whole "letting go" is a process. For example, today I resigned from my teaching position. I am content with this decision for multiple reasons. This is relatively easy to let go of. Although there will be a few people I miss, they are the kind that will keep in touch and genuinely be interested in my life.

Other things not so easy to let go of? A "friend" here has wronged me in an intimate and personal way. She has had multiple opportunities to apologize (which seriously would be all that I need) and refuses, believing she has done nothing wrong. It's laughable really...that I called her friend. Against my intuition, against my better judgement, against what I saw and heard and knew. Am I letting go of this? Not so much. I have a few little jabs left in this area before I walk away. Yes, I understand quite clearly what the Bible says about forgiveness. If you are looking for some awesome testimony about how I forgave and the lights of heaven shone down and angels sang...well...its not gonna happen.

I should be content now. I should exercise forgiveness now. I should feel sorry for her. Her life is a sad and pathetic one filled with children that have gone astray, a lonely house, more bills than money and a host of superficial relationships that she feeds in hope of eventually finding satisfaction. As my husband would say "its hard to be mad at a dog for acting like a dog" and yet I have lived with the notion that all humans have some sort of moral compass. EXPECTED her to know standard measurements of right and wrong. Moral compass? She does not it seems. Still I have no pity for her when I weigh that with what she has done and what she had placed at risk. Letting go? Nah! But some day in my tell all book, this chapter will be a must read!